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Only
Joking
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 "SAY
AGAIN, OVER"
CAPTION COMPETITION
If
you can think of a clever, witty caption to this picture,
send your entry by e-mail to armynews@defencenews.gov.au
(remember to send it sec: unclassified) with caption competition
in the subject line.
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| Keep
entries under 25 words. Entries will not be accepted after September
29 and must include the sender's name, rank, unit and location
with the entry. The winning entry will be published in the October
7 edition. |
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LAST
EDITIONS PHOTOGRAPH
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And
the winner is ...
New American rations – MRE-U (Meals Ready to Eat
You).
– Lt-Col John Symons, Land Systems Division
Army
newspaper staff also liked:
Tell the cook I don’t care how organic and free-range
these are.
– Yuri Shukost, Corporate Identity and Popular
Culture Coordinator
Early setbacks in DSTO’s trial of “webbing”
made from natural fibres.
– Lt-Col Symons again
And then these buggers broke into the steroid cabinet.
– Gene Negro, Project Officer, CSI-WA
Pte Incy Wincy was being detained for a UD in a waterspout.
– Sgt Dave Martin, AAvnTC Oakey Qld
The Iraqi no-fly zone was well patrolled.
– Gene Negro again
The fresh rats in a foreign country leave a lot to
be desired.
– Capt Gary Jiear, CAB
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Army
Jimbo's official guide
To
getting away with not having a column
I’m afraid I’ve been a little pressed for time this
week and haven’t been able to put together my comprehensive
official guide to Midwifery for the Sumatran Orang-outang.
Not to worry, I’ve been able to fake having a column
by carelessly printing the latest five e-mails to land in
my inbox. Enjoy.
From: Mum
Thank you so much for the lovely flowers and the sizable cheque,
Jimbo. It’s times like these that remind me why I’m
so lucky to have you (and not times like when I came home
and found a note saying you’d taken the car and gone
swimming, and your father had to pay the tow truck people
$300 to get the Volkswagen out of the lake ...
From: The Oodnadatta Retirement Home
Sir,
On behalf of all the staff and residents here at the Oodnadatta
Retirement Home, I would like to offer our sincere gratitude
for your generous donation. Thanks to your handsome cheque,
we’ll be opening a new specialist care wing and I think
it would be most appropriate that we name the wing in your
honour. It will feature delightful marble flooring and gold-plated
skirting boards, a water feature along the south ...
From: E-Bay
Your bid of $187,236.28 has topped all other bidders by a
margin of $187,203.18. It also ranks as our highest-ever bid
for a hair care product. Congratulations.
From: Commonwealth Debt Collection Agency
Sir,
I am writing to inform you that your recent cheque has cleared
your previously outstanding account with us. Unfortunately,
in line with the policy of all state police organisations
except Tasmania, NSW has automatically forwarded your most
recent fines directly to us. Please review the following list.
Parking in a restricted zone: $66
Abuse of a parking officer: $102
Defacing a parking ticket: $34
Defacing a parking ticket: $34
Public nudity: $167
From: Bank
Sir,
A short reminder regarding your cheque account – you
don’t have one, we cancelled it three years ago after
you attempted to purchase a quarter of Telstra. Please stop
writing cheques.
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