"SAY AGAIN, OVER"
CAPTION COMPETITION

If you can think of a clever, witty caption to this picture, send your entry by e-mail to armynews@defencenews.gov.au (remember to send it sec: unclassified) with caption competition in the subject line.

Army Jimbo's official guide

Questionnaire

Jimbo has gone away on a holiday and won’t be back for a month. In the meantime, Army is searching for someone to fill in. Before he left, Jimbo put together this comprehensive questionnaire for any aspirants who think they have what it takes.

You receive a package in the mail marked “return to sender” do you:

a) Wonder how you could have got Aunty Susan’s address wrong.
b) Excitedly open the package hoping that toy ray gun you’ve always wanted has finally arrived.
c) Back away slowly, don’t make any sudden moves and call the bomb disposal people immediately.

Someone’s banging on your door at 3am. Who is it?

a) Your disheveled half-brother looking for a place to stay.
b) The ex, delirious and looking for some excitement/revenge.
c) You, thinking it’s your ex’s house, delirious and looking for some excitement/revenge.

If you disagreed with something and felt the need to make your opinion known, how would you do it?

a) With a polite but firm letter.
b) By chaining yourself to a building in your underwear (I say “your” ... ).
c) You would do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Go about your business without any change in your behaviour. Accept it and make sure everyone knows that you’ve moved on and you’re not going to do anything about it. And then ...

A person from the Government comes to see you. He/she is:

a) A census official.
b) A scientist researching abnormal human behaviour.
c) A taxation officer, asking about the $33 million Monet you claim to have donated to the local Presbyterian Church.

If authorities were to search your home and look in the back of your wardrobe, what would they find?

a) An embarrassing number of Mariah Carey albums.
b) 740kg of office stationary from work.
c) A taxation officer.

In your school years, what was your most common misdemeanor?

a) Handing in homework late.
b) Handing in half-eaten homework ... late.
c) Handing in compromising photos of your mathematics teacher instead of homework.

Send your answers to:

I want to be Jimbo for a month
Army newspaper
R8-LG
Russell Offices
ACT 2600

Star Comms

CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 20
What goes around comes around and according to a wise recidivist, the same mistakes become more fun each time you make them.

AQUARIUS Jan 21 - Feb 18
When your slouch-hat is mistaken for your bush-hat, it may be time to pursue a new career.

PISCES Feb 19 - Mar 20
Knuckles and fists only solve the yeast rising dilemma. They certainly don’t help persuade the CO to extend stand-down.

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20
A positive result with the ferret last week could see you introduce a black marker pen to your activity.

TAURUS Apr 21 - May 21
With more luck in your venus sign this week, expect more gooey shoes.

GEMINI May 22 - Jun 21
Good news this week … no news is good news right? Oh dear, not even a balanced Gemini can handle not knowing.

CANCER Jun 22 - Jul 22
Watch your bubbly being launch into cosmic bliss this week. Why? Who knows, it’s just another inconsistent occurrence of your stars.

LEO Jul 23 - Aug 23
When all else fails, ask your good twin how you can make it better. Gaffa tape may remove the temptation all together.

VIRGO Aug 24 - Sep 22
Buddha says he “don’t like no Yogo” and nor do you this week.

LIBRA Sep 23 - Oct 23
Well, to give an inch you actually have to bend a little in the right direction.

SCORPIO Oct 24 - Nov 22
Once a fortune-teller, always right. Seeing as you already know everything, I don’t need to tell you that the incessant giggling you hear behind your back is not people admiring your comic genius.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 - Dec 21
Still searching for understanding? Keep looking. Your answers lie in the smelly gases of planet Ashfold which orbits the path of the gin-dry comet.